i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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