I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
