So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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