id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
