Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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