my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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