peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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