i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
