and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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