he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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