operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
