you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
then he tried to convert me to islam
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
