so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
