I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
