okay pat passed out under dana's car
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
