woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
