Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
