i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
