Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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