Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
