Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
