As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
