how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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