I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
