i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
