this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
