Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
