Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Drake has all the answers
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
