yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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