Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
