I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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