i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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