After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
