I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
