You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
