Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
