He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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