Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
