What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
