let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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