Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
