You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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