I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Semen is not good for contacts.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i now understand why vodka
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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