whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
