i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
