bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
