on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
