drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
