just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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