Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
